I lost my baby

I had a miscarriage last February 7 and even though my baby stayed in my womb for 6 weeks only, it’s still painful especially because I’ve been wanting to become a mom for so long. I even thought of adopting a child when I was still single.

But I cannot let myself mourn right now. No, not when I’m alone. And while I have friends here who comfort me, I still long for the comfort of my husband and my family. God knows I want to wail in grief. But I can’t do that; otherwise, I’ll lose myself in the process.

Outside the hospital window today, February 8, I can see that the rain is falling. The clouds are crying the tears that I’ve been holding back.

It’s painful that I lost my baby but I am amazed at the strength God provides me with and the encouragement I receive from my husband, family, in-laws and friends. He answered my prayer when I asked him a few days ago to set my heart to His will. To brace me for what He’ll do in my life and in my baby’s life.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You," Isaiah 26.3-God's encouragement to me the night I started having spotting.

But I’m ready for the next challenge, Lord. If we can go through this together, I know we can accomplish the next. If I’ll shed tears, it is only because I’m in awe of God’s work in my life.

The bad news is that I lost my baby. The bright side is that now I know I can conceive. As Job said, God gives and God takes away. It is not my business to ask God why this happened to me. It is my sole business to trust in Him.

Farewell our little Eligay, we love you! 

Gone too soon.