What I Want for My Funeral

When my husband and I planned for our wedding, we agreed to make sure that our big day will reflect  who we are and what we value. And so it did - the outfits were creatively designed by my husband and his sister, the guests' tables were named after people who influenced us the most, and we had a sweets station where we placed our favorite chocolates and candies since we're kids.

Well, being someone who loves to be organized, I thought, why not plan for my funeral? This may scare some people because when I talked to a few friends about this, they thought it was some kind of premonition. However, I don't want to be in the wrong coffin or wrong outfit or surrounded by the wrong flowers when I pass away.

So, here goes my list of what I want for my funeral:

• I have planned to donate all my functional internal organs but please cut me pretty;
• I want a white, glossy and reasonably-priced coffin; I still haven't decided if I want a half-open coffin or one with glass but I'll figure that out later;
• I want to wear my wedding gown just make some adjustments, if needed;
• I want my coffin to be surrounded by 12 dozens of white roses. I don't want tall flowers ogling at me so just have the flowers placed on 12 baskets then spread them around the coffin;
•  My favorite sweets as a kid should also be served - LaLa, Hani, Cloud 9, Cadbury;
• I want classical music to be played during the wake and I'd love for Ate Penny to sing "Think of Me" before my burial;
• I prefer that people would donate money to Osmena National Highschool instead of buying me flowers. Please ask my family on how you can send it;
• I want my burial to be around 5 or 6pm so I won't be exposed to too much sun. Yes, I know the coffin will be closed already but that's how I want it. Please respect the dead;
• I would love to be buried beside my Lolo Paking in Surigao but if that's too expensive, I would love to have my own lot and not be shoved in an apartment-type cemetery;
• I want the wake to be as short as possible maybe 2-3 days max because I want my loved ones to move on with their lives since I've certainly moved on the moment I took my last breath;
• My journals are my treasures and I've been keeping one since I was 12. Thus, I want my husband to keep my journals. If we'll be blessed to have kids, I'd love them to read my journals as they grow up so they'd know how I lived my life exuberantly;
• I would love to have Pastor Edwin Imperial or Papa's bestfriend Pastor Rey Cablao to lead the funeral service;
• Gospel hymns to be sang during the service - to follow;
• I'd like the guest book to include what people remember of me and how, if applicable, I became a channel of blessing for them. My loved ones will be blessed to know that I've made an impact on others' lives;
• I don't want sad faces on my wake, come on, lighten up! I want you to celebrate with me the great life that I lived by God's grace and not my passing away;
• I want guests to wear happy colors not black or white especially on my burial - yellow, pink, red, blue will be appreciated;
• I want my epitaph to read:

          Gazelle "Gay" Gonzales Arambulo-dela Pena
          8 December 1980 -
          "Gay: keenly alive and exuberant; having or inducing high spirits" (Merriam-Webster)
          And so she was and she will forever be.

I'm certain that I will add more details as I grow older but in summary, I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life because as what my Christian friends and loved ones would know, I won't be saying goodbye. I'll be saying, "see you soon".

Leadership Tips for Administrators

I am quite new in this Admin gig although I was an Executive Assistant for two years in a call center company. Both positions are very important in any company and as facilitator Boris Joaquin puts it, Administrators and Executive Assistants are those who "lead without the titles".

I'm doing this blog because when I started out as an Admin last February 2010, I know the job description but wasn't sure what is really expected of me. Hopefully, this blog will help shed some light and give encouragement to the great Admins in many offices.

Here are some of the things I learned as an Administrator and hopefully, you'll find these useful:

• Read leadership books such as John Maxwell's books. The principles you will learn on leadership books will be applicable whether you are part of the top management or middle management. John Maxwell's Maximize Your Day helped me a lot as it summarizes his leadership tips.
• Earn your colleagues' trust and respect before you lead them. Know what makes them tickle. Show that you are sincerely concerned with them. Spend time with them. Befriend them but maintain your "space" as an authority figure.
• Be a servant leader but don't do everything for your staff. Show them that you are not too "big" a person that you will not help them in completing their work. Extend your hand just don't let yourself end up doing the task for them.
• Create a positive energy. Greet your staff in the morning and greet them with a heartfelt smile. You can also try applying John Maxwell's 30-second rule. John said, "when you make contact with people, instead of focusing on yourself, search for ways to make them look good". 
• Be consistent in doing follow-through. It might be exhausting to always do follow up on action points but learn to accept that it is part of your job.
• Be a role model. You might not notice it but your staff looks up to you on how you do your job, how you present yourself at work and how you spend your time at the office; so, practice what you preach. If you want them to be better employees, be one.
• Practice one minute management. As the One Minute Manager authors Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson put it, to do one-minute praising, "...praise people immediately, tell people what they did right specifically and tell people how good you feel about what they did right..." 
• When dealing with multi-racial staff, study their culture and background and deal with them according to their level. This is applicable especially when you're the "foreigner" in the office. You will need to work twice as hard to earn their trust and respect. But don't fret. Once they see that you have nothing against them and once they notice that you are sincerely concerned with them and the growth of the company, they will respect you eventually.
• Cry if you must but do it somewhere private. I hate confrontations. Well, who doesn't? I usually find myself shaking or in the verge of crying when confronted especially by a loud and verbally violent person. But try to keep the same calm energy no matter how difficult it is. Let the "attacker" talk while he or she is at it because no matter what you say, most likely, that person is not ready to listen to you. You might feel that you've lost the battle if you don't retaliate but I've learned long ago that those who retaliate calmly and with well chosen, peace-promoting words win the battle. 

Sooner or later for sure I will share more of my learning and hopefully you will enjoy your own journey as an Administrator because I'm loving mine.

What you should know about Lola Osang (And what grandparents ought to emulate)

My Lola (grandmother) Osang is now 78 and while she currently has illness, growing up, I've always believed that she will outlive us.

With unfeigned strength 

She has broken her wrist a few years back after slipping while drawing water from the well but still she recuperated fast and was even able to watch over her three great grand kids. Last year, she was ran over by a pedicab that carried a few sacks of sand and she recovered from it.

In 2009, we stayed overnight in a resort. My mother, my brave little sister and I were too scared to try the pool slide, which was about 12 to 15 feet high; but not my grandmother. She was even the first one to try it out and we just followed suit.

Lola Osang grew up helping her parents take care of the farm. She's used to hard work and at 78, she still thinks she has the same strength as what she had when she was 30. Her last endeavor was that she climbed the roof of her house to paint it. I was appalled when I learned it from my mom but the shock subsided when I remembered that my Lola Osang is really a superwoman.

A great sense of adventure

My late grandfather Lolo Paking and Lola Osang left their kids in Surigao to look for greener pastures in Manila in the 60's. It must be very difficult for Lola to leave her three kids who have just started schooling. Armed with nothing but faith and perseverance, my grandparents were able to put up a dressmaking shop and a repair shop and to raise their kids in Manila.

Early riser

I've grown up getting used to being with my Lola Osang every summer until I was in highschool. I remember that she gets up very early to prepare our breakfast, to clean up the house and take care of her garden. Usually, my alarm clock will be the sound of her broom as it brushes dead leaves and dirt. I still find it amazing how she can turn a bushy area to a beautiful garden - something I wasn't able to learn.

Quiet but caring

Lola Osang is a very reserved person, I think that's something that I got from her. Since I was a kid, I remember that she's always in action. She's always busy with something-doing the laundry, preparing meals, cleaning the house, taking care of her plants or even if she's watching the TV, she's folding the clothes. She doesn't tell us that she loves us verbally but her actions spoke a lot louder than any verbal expression of love.

Easy to please

If other grandparents tend to become impossible as they get older - not my Lola Osang, because she's very easy to please. She'll be delighted to be given a small box of pizza or to be invited to an outing at the nearest beach resort. Her great grand kids make her giggle like a kid. In my 9 years of working, she has only asked me for one thing and she only mentioned it to me last year when I asked if there's anything that she wants me to give her - she asked for a thin golden necklace where she can put her Queen Elizabeth pendant. To date, I'm still asking God for a blessing so I can purchase the necklace for her.

When her television was broken, she never asked any of her kids or grandkids to buy her or lend her one. And when we offered her our secondhand television, she was so excited that she asked my cousins to pick up the TV from our house that instant.

No record of wrong

Lola Osang is someone who will complain only when it's too much for her to handle. Most of the time, I don't hear her say something against her kids, grandkids and other relatives. 

Timely revelations

Last year, I was blessed to have a heart to heart chat with her and she told me something that quite shocked me. Lola shared that she was not accepted by my Lolo Paking's parents for a long time especially since they were too young when they got married. She added that she was only able to step inside my great grandparents' house when her three kids - my mother, my late Uncle Rene and my Uncle Oral - were already professionals.

For my thirty years of existence, I have never heard that story. And I had no inkling that such issue existed. At that moment, I adored her all the more because she never raised her kids or grandkids to hate those who wronged her. She taught us, through her actions, to be hardworking, to love unconditionally, and to keep our relationship with God a priority.